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Turnip Fluff

Rule 8 - Always Tell the Truth (or at Least Don’t Lie)

 

Honesty is a skill, and like any skill, it requires practice—even in the most unexpected situations. Over Christmas, a young man I know was visiting the extended family of his girlfriend. At dinner, he was presented with the Matriarch’s prized Christmas dish—Turnip Fluff. He’d never had it before, nor had he even heard of such a thing. Beaming with pride, Nonna (Grandma) assured him that everyone loves it and that he would, too. “It’s been served at Christmas meals for many years!” she said.

 

He took a polite bite, but he struggled to keep a straight face. The dish was bitter, with a strange texture he just couldn’t place. As the family watched expectantly, he smiled sheepishly. “Do you like it?” Nonna asked, her face glowing with pride. “Oh yes,” he replied politely, dodging the awkward moment. But that small lie cost him dearly. For the rest of the meal, he painstakingly mixed every bite with food he did like, trying to mask the flavor. Stoically, he endured every mouthful, determined to keep the peace.

When he finally finished his plate, Nonna, ever the gracious hostess, promptly loaded it up with another helping of her signature dish.

 

After dinner, he talked with his girlfriend about the ordeal, only to discover a shocking revelation: no one really liked Turnip Fluff. Years ago, when it was first served, everyone was polite, not wanting to hurt Nonna's feelings. But their small lies had snowballed, and now it was her signature dish. How could anyone break it to her now?

 

The Cost of Small Lies

This story is both funny and poignant. It illustrates how even the smallest lies—those told out of politeness or to avoid conflict—can spiral into larger problems. Over time, these little untruths can take on a life of their own, creating unnecessary burdens or perpetuating false narratives.
 

The young man in the story was just trying to be kind, but his small deception reinforced a long-standing tradition that no one in the family truly enjoyed. And now, each Christmas, everyone continues to endure a dish they dislike because no one can muster the courage to tell the truth.

 

Why Do We Lie?

Lies often stem from a desire to avoid discomfort—whether it’s to spare someone’s feelings, dodge a conflict, or protect our own image. But lies, even the well-intentioned ones, come at a cost. They distort reality, hinder authentic relationships, and, over time, create complications that are far harder to navigate than the momentary awkwardness of honesty.

 

There are also lies we aren't conscious of -- we just don't know.  We speak, or refuse to speak, out of ignorance. We act, or don't act, because we don't have all the facts or aren't willing or able to find them. Taking the time and expending the energy to discover the truth is not simple or easy.

 

The Scale of Lies: From White Lies to Chaos

Jordan Peterson, in 12 Rules for Life, highlights the dangers of lies, both large and small:

• White lies: Told to avoid conflict or awkwardness, like praising a dish you dislike.
• Cultural lies: When dishonesty becomes normalized within a group, perpetuating traditions or practices no one truly supports.
• Systemic lies: The most extreme form, where entire systems are built on falsehoods, leading to widespread corruption or even totalitarianism.

 

The story of Turnip Fluff might seem small, but it mirrors how dishonesty on any scale can create unintended consequences.

 

The best thing that can happen in any situation is for the truth to be told. Telling the truth doesn’t have to mean being harsh or unkind—it’s about aligning words with reality in a way that respects both yourself and others. Imagine if, years ago, someone in the family had gently told Nona, “You know, I think I prefer mashed potatoes to Turnip Fluff.” or "Let's spend some time together and see if we can tweak the recipe." The tradition might have taken a different, more palatable turn.

 

The Goals and Meta-Goals

Every time we take action – doing one thing instead of another, we live out our actual goals. We might be very deliberate in our actions or we may not even be able to articulate why it’s priority enough to be our current activity! We have immediate goals and we have “meta-goals”. Peterson’s concept of meta-goals is about aligning our lives with overarching principles like truth, meaning, and responsibility. These guide our specific goals, helping us navigate challenges and adapt to change while maintaining a sense of purpose.

 

Telling the Truth to Yourself

An example Peterson provides is the decision of an 18 year-old woman deciding to retire at 52 years of age. Many life decisions and her immediate goals were based on, in the service to, that meta-goal.  It may be a good goal, or it may be uninformed. Peterson points out that there’s little an 18 year-old could possibly know about the 52-year version of herself. That’s a good point! 

 

For decades now, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to be “when I grow up!” I know I want to retire at some point – or I think I do! Is that even a valid meta-goal? I know I’ve joked many times that I know I’m not ready to retire because I don’t have a real hobby.  I need to do something productive. That’s a meta-goal for me – being productive and providing value. There is a lot of flexibility in fulfilling that. Being honest with myself is about ensuring that my actions are well suited to my meta-goals and that my meta-goals are worthwhile pursuits. Life has a way of revealing new paths and possibilities—ones that might make you question or even abandon your initial choice. And that’s perfectly okay. The key is staying honest with yourself and others about what truly matters as you evolve. 

 

Living in Truth

When we choose to tell the truth—or at least not lie—we free ourselves and others from the burdens of falsehood. Honesty allows us to build lives rooted in authenticity, adapt to change, and pursue meaningful goals. So as you consider what you want to be when you grow up, aim to be someone who tells the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

 

My Takeaway from Rule 8

This chapter is really pretty deep, but profoundly practical.  It covers the ripple effect of white-lies that leads to totalitarianism. Peterson brings in heavyweights like Frankl, Solzhenitsyn, Freud, Adler, Jung, and Kierkegard to weigh in on the premise that “lies warp the structure of Being” and that “untruth corrupts the soul and the state alike, and on form feeds the other.”

 

So, I shouldn’t lie or deal in untruths. At a very personal, individual level, Peterson points out that “...researchers have recently discovered that new genes turn themselves on when an organism is placed (or places itself) in a new station…This means a lot of you is still nascent, in the most physical of senses, and will not be called forth by status…You have to say something, go somewhere and do things…if not…you remain incomplete.” 

 

If I say “yes” when it needs to be said and “no” when it needs to be said – especially when it’s hard (because it will be) – I will be actively transforming myself into someone who can say yes and can say no when it needs to be said.  I will become a different person, even at that genetic level! The converse, a warning, if ever there is one – if I am unwilling to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done – I cannot change into the person I could be, who I should be. I will have lost some potential.  

 

The world is a lesser place when anyone does not live up to their potential and speak the truth. After all, a life built on honesty is far sweeter than one spent enduring Turnip Fluff.