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Walking the Path: 12 Rules and a Deeper Truth

 

A Surprising Resonance

I first became interested in Jordan Peterson because of a single quote:

“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.”

 

That idea struck a chord. It wasn’t about aggression or dominance—it was about strength, responsibility, and restraint. It challenged the idea that being “good” meant being "nice" -- passive, weak, or inoffensive. Instead, goodness requires the capacity for danger, paired with the wisdom to control it.

 

That concept intrigued me enough to look deeper into Peterson’s work. Eventually, I picked up 12 Rules for Life, half expecting a collection of practical "tips", perhaps with some philosophical musings. It sold a lot copies and was pretty well reviewed.

 

What I found, instead, was something much more challenging and resonant than I expected.

 

The Call for Personal Integrity

"Captain Pinchy," "It’s Not You, It’s Me", "That's a Problem for Future Peter"

If there’s one thing 12 Rules for Life makes clear, it’s this: before you can change anything else, you must take responsibility for yourself.
 

It starts with something seemingly small—posture ("Stand Up Straight with Your Shoulders Back"). But it’s not really about standing tall; it’s about carrying yourself with confidence and discipline. Our habits—physical and mental—shape how we engage with the world. Posture may be indicative, but it's also a first, doable, step that we can control.

But responsibility doesn’t stop at how we present ourselves—it extends into how we respond to life’s challenges. "It’s Not You, It’s Me" (or "Set Your House in Perfect Order Before You Criticize the World") reflects one of the hardest lessons: that we must "Set [our] House in Perfect Order Before [We] Criticize the World."

That’s where the real challenge of integrity comes in. Am I actually living according to the values I claim to hold? Or am I justifying mediocrity, compromise, or weakness in the name of comfort? Do I know what my personal integrity is pointing toward -- to what standard it is that I'm holding myself?

 

Empathy and Long-Term Relationships

"I Really Want to Like You," "Temba, His Arms Wide," "Negotiation 101"

None of us live in isolation. 12 Rules for Life repeatedly emphasizes that the way we treat others is as important as the way we shape ourselves.

 

The challenge in "I Really Want to Like You" is simple but profound: What makes people likable? More importantly, how can we live in a way that fosters strong, reciprocal relationships? The answer isn’t about pleasing others—it’s about honesty, responsibility, and being the kind of person others want to be around.  There are short-term, mid-term, and long-term considerations. My kids would "love" me today if I gave them candy whenever they want it; they will, justifably, loathe me in their adulthood if they have no concept of restraint, impulse control, and a healthy diet because of that very-same action.

 

Active listening is a recurring theme ("Temba, His Arms Wide"). Peterson reminds us that real conversations aren’t just about waiting for our turn to talk—they’re about assuming the other person might know something we don’t. That requires humility, patience, and an openness to perspectives beyond our own.

 

But relationships aren’t just built on kindness; they require clarity and negotiation ("Negotiation 101"). To "Be precise in your speech" isn’t about winning arguments or even avoiding conflict—it’s about avoiding unnecessary conflict, ensuring expectations are clear, and building trust. Clarify the root of the differences, not the symptoms.

 

Meaningful relationships are long-term investments, and if we approach them with honesty, respect, and a commitment to growth, they will shape our lives in ways we can’t yet see.

 

The Importance of the Destination

"Bargaining with the Future," "Turnip Fluff", "The Same, but Different"

Life is shaped by what we aim for. If our goal is unclear, every decision is directionless, or at best, less than optimal.

 

In "Bargaining with the Future," I explored how every sacrifice we make is a trade for tomorrow. Whether it’s saving money, working hard, or developing discipline, we are constantly negotiating with our future selves. But that raises a bigger question: What future are we aiming for?

 

Peterson warns us against aiming too low—choosing expediency over meaning. It’s easy to take shortcuts, to settle for what feels good now instead of what is good in the long run ("Turnip Fluff" is a perfect example of this—how small, well-intentioned lies can trap us in patterns we never intended).

 

But if the goal we set is high enough, if it’s truly meaningful, it will demand sacrifice, responsibility, and an unwavering commitment to truth.

 

The Journey Is as Important as the Goal

"Danger Is My Middle Name", "Note to Self: Don't Waste My Time", "Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional"

Even when we set our sights on something meaningful, how we walk the path matters just as much as where we’re going.

 

Growth requires pushing our limits ("Danger Is My Middle Name"). We learn resilience not by avoiding risk, but by engaging with it in ways that make us stronger. Whether it’s in personal development, relationships, or professional life, the greatest gains often come from challenging situations that force us to grow.

 

But if we only focus on the future, we miss the present. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to pause and appreciate the many small, surprising joys along the way ("Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional"). Because meaning isn’t just something at the end of the road—it’s something we build along the way.

 

The Realization: These Aren’t Standalone Ideas

At first glance, 12 Rules for Life seems to be about self-improvement, even a cultural benefit. But it’s more than that. When I first started writing these posts, I thought I was simply reflecting on practical life advice from Peterson's clinical and "Reddit" experience.

 

But looking back, I see something deeper. The themes that resonated with me—responsibility, relationships, meaning, sacrifice—aren’t just self-help ideas. They are echoes of something much older, much deeper.

 

Peterson’s Rules push us toward what's higher for us -- but that can only lead us to the the "highest" -- as we ask ourselves what's higher than integrity, wisdom, and growth. When I step back and ask what they are really pointing toward -- what's "highest", I was struck as I noticed the archetypal command at the heart of it all, found in Matthew 24:37:  
 

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might. And love your neighbor as yourself.”

 

Jesus said that. And it's one of the few things he said that no one got really angry with him about! It was understood as a deep truth.  Regardless of your faith or religion, our highest calling is to invest in what's best and highest and stay true to it; a check--if your neighbor doesn't view your integrity to the Highest as good and loving, you might want to look into it.

 

We are to look to the Highest and we have a framework to work within -- what should characterize our journey. We're challenged take responsibility so that we can serve others well. It demands honesty so that our relationships can be real. It calls us to aim toward something worthy—not just for ourselves, but for the good of those around us.

 

Whether Peterson intended it or not, his 12 Rules pull us toward the same "rule" Jesus articulated so clearly. These principles, these rules, don’t replace the Greatest Commandment, they can help us make it real. They can challenge us to live it.

 

What Comes Next?

What surprised me most about 12 Rules for Life wasn’t just that I agreed with it—but that it pointed me toward something I already believed, but in a way that made me wrestle with it.

 

The rules aren’t just something to think about—they are a framework for action. They challenge us to:

• Take responsibility instead of making excuses.
• Aim at something meaningful instead of drifting.
• Speak truth instead of avoiding conflict.
• Build relationships that push toward growth, not just comfort.
• Walk with discipline, integrity, and grace even when it’s hard -- because it's hard!

 

And ultimately, they ask us to recognize that our highest aim is not just personal success, but the ability to live and love rightly.

 

Because in the end, this isn’t just about making our lives better. It’s about becoming the kind of people who make life better for others.

 

I don't want to be harmless.  I want to be good.